Ladyfingers: Stupid makes me sweat

By : Sabrina Ambra
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I walked into the bar; that’s nothing new, but it’s not a drinking problem until I’m 30, right? Don’t answer that. I sat down with full intention of writing and absolutely no idea what to write about. I feel like, more often than not, I use my crutch of “Here’s how the world sucks and here’s how to not get sucked into the suckiness.” I also feel like way more often than not, I can barely practice what I’ve preached.

For example, I left work P-I-S-S-E-D the day of this writing. It happens from time to time, as I’m sure it does for anyone else that, I don’t know, lives on this earth. I had been triggered, my mind wandering to a state of mild paranoia and self-consciousness. I become consumed by the thought of failure and I end up kicking my own ass for not knowing how to stick up for myself properly.

All this, yet I’m 99% sure that I’ve told readers, in some form or another, to not sweat the small stuff. But riddle me this: Who the fuck can stop themselves from perspiring on command? Not even Beyonce can stop the sweat from collecting on her perfect brow. What I’m trying to say is that some of the stuff that I sweat over gets me sweating before I realize it and then I’m sweating and I can’t stop it. Does that make sense? Because I am now sweating.

Then there are instances/moments/conversations/stories/people who have no small stuff to sweat because there is something much bigger and significantly more terrible they’re dealing with; “stuff” that makes my moist upper lip look not as bad. The polite way of putting the result of experiencing the aforementioned is that it has given me perspective. But if I’m being completely honest, I feel a bit fucked up when someone shares that their fan is made of actual shit and I get a sense of relief that at least my fan just had shit hit it.

There are other occasions that completely take my attention away from my own shit-sweating and instead I am overwhelmed with a range of emotions. They are coursing through my body and all stemming from someone else’s stupidity. Stupidity is the simplest way of putting it right now because I don’t want to use vile or malicious, poisonous or wicked, and I definitely don’t want to use evil—evil feels like a significant lack of hope. However, when it seems like there are only a few little drops left in the “hope bucket,” you can either believe stupidity leaves room for positive change or you allow evil to suck it dry. So, stupidity it is, for now.

I feel very privileged to have been born in the United States of America. I am very proud of the accomplishments I have witnessed. I proudly fight for equality next to my sisters and brothers who are doing the same and I appreciate the opportunities I have been given to bask in the glory of others who are kind enough to share it with me. It fucking kills me that there are many out there that would rather see us break and fall in these moments of joy.

I watched the U.S. Women’s National Soccer team kick so much World Cup ass and, for the fourth time, brought the championship trophy home to the good ol’ U.S. of A. I high-fived the strangers around me because for that moment we were all part of the same team. It was beautiful. But then the fun-sucking brigade came in, took this incredible moment of victory for women and our country and did everything they could to ruin it. Why? Because the flag was dropped by accident. But that was just the catalyst, wasn’t it? It was just what those STUPID people saw as an open door to say some of the most horrendous things I’ve ever heard and read about these amazing women, all under the guise of “how un-American of you!” No one seems to give a fuck that the American flag on the moon has been on the ground for 50-FUCKING-YEARS though, right?!

I’m sweating again. We’re all sweating— especially if you’re reading this in Central Florida. Maybe it’s global warming that’s making people lose their minds. Perhaps climate change is the reason there are quite a few people who have misplaced their moral compass. It just has to be this goddamn heat that has folks wandering away from the land-o-compassion and common decency. Whatever it is, I do not know, nor do I think I will figure out. I’ll just try not to sweat the small stuff, but I won’t give myself or anyone else a hard time about being a little clammy every once in a while. Remember, winter is coming and, at the very least, we all should be too (coming, that is.)

Sabrina Ambra is a cohost of Real Radio 104.1’s “News Junkie” program and will kick your ass if she needs to.

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