Mama Bearings: “Erasing My Son”

Mama Bearings: “Erasing My Son”

One month ago, I was walking on the treadmill at the gym facing the rows of televisions and remember having my breath taken away. I was walking, not even building up to a jog, so this was not a part of my cardio. The news was breaking my heart.

It announced that the president could move to define gender based solely off of an individual’s biological sex. To be blunt, a person would be only considered a “male” or “female” based on their genitalia at birth

I did not think much about gender until my youngest child turned six years old. I understood itto be my obstetrician telling me in my second trimester of each pregnancy that I was having a boy or girl. It was the box I checked on official documents and medical forms. During my last pregnancy, although I felt strongly that the gender was male, my doctor informed us that my final pregnancy would yield a third girl.

Flash forward to the baby of the family wanting short hair and picking out clothes from the “boys” section at the age of four. I assumed my Lillee was a tomboy, like me. As a hairdresser, I had no issues giving her a pixie cut like I had worn myself. By the time my baby was six, “Lillee” was a name on paper; our youngest wanted to be called “Jake.”

Now, Jake is a happy, healthy, nine-year-old boy who loves being a boy. Those haircuts were his way of telling us that he was not a girl at all. And yes, as open minded and as liberal as we consider our family to be, we totally missed that we had a transgender child. It was not that we wanted it to not be a reality, we just needed to catch up to him.

A six-and-a-half-year-old telling his parents that he “is transgender like Jazz Jennings” is absolutely amazing to our family and friends. I still feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin at the age of 40 and here is my youngest, just out of Kindergarten, revealing his authentic self.

Jake has a full diagnosis from a licensed clinician that says he is considered to have gender dysphoria. He has since he was seven and a half. Understanding what Jake needs and keeping him in a positive, supportive environment has led us to switching his school and driving him every day to ensure his safety and overall well-being.

On medical forms and official documents, Jake is in quotes until we legally change his name. Due to laws already in place, if a document only has male or female listed, we must check female based on biology. However, my child is a boy, and this always leaves me uneasy. I had told myself in the past that this would soon change but there is still a long way to go.

That day at the gym I felt like I was having a heart attack. Our government could have the power to try to erase transgender individuals. Thankfully the movement to suppress this is growing, but I cannot fully express how this made us – as Jake’s proud parents – feel. This is a nightmare I cannot wake up from.

I am angry. I am scared. I am in full protective mode with all of my children, as a Mamabear, but now we worry about Jake’s future even more. How anyone can tell me my child does not exist or that he is only his biological sex hurts me and our family. Our kids are all part of the largest technological growth in decades; they all go online and have devices that give them access to the internet. What is the best way to handle our fears and anger? What will we tell not only Jake, but his three siblings about the world we live in? About how they might feel about their baby brother? Jake’s siblings worry about him and are fiercely protective.

Jake loves unicorns. He is colorblind. And my nine-year-old boy is proud to be transgender. I am so proud of him and the support we have received in helping him become who he really is. I will not accept that genitalia defines who he is supposed to become.

I have a natural distrust for politics but am becoming more active and better informed. We cannot sit idly by while the world becomes a place for our friends and families to live in fear. Voting, becoming knowledgeable about our area’s legislature and talking to those who are different from usexpands our minds and hearts in ways that promotes acceptance. Even if you know nothing about being transgender, I guarantee at some point in your life you have felt uncomfortable in just being you. No one can or will erase my Jake.

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