The Wonderful World of Wanzie: The lying liar who lies

By : Michael Wanzie
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“I’m the President and you’re not.” Nanny-nanny boo-boo. Henie-meanie-whoonie-Hinie-Ho!

What a fucking embarrassment this man is. Between the total disrespect he showed German Chancellor Angela Merkel during her recent visit to his outrageous lie regarding Great Britain and his slanderous unsubstantiated allegations against President Obama – one of the most decent men to have ever held the office – of committing a felony! I can’t even. So I won’t.

Suffice it to say our popular-vote-losing President Pinocchio continues to prove on a daily basis that he has no use for facts or truth and that he is completely clueless about how it is a head of state governs, let alone how one is expected to behave in the company of other heads of state.

Not a clue!

I used to love playing the game Clue as a child. If playing at school or among Boy Scouts I was always Professor Plum, but when playing in the safety of my own home with my sister and female cousins I always insisted on being Miss Scarlet.

Scarlett O’Hara famously said, “After all, tomorrow is another day” which is a sentiment I repeat in almost mantra-like fashion to calm myself to sleep after enduring a day of President Pinocchio’s relentless denigration of our free press.

Do they still make Lee Press-On Nails?

Jews are the ones who nailed Christ to the cross, or so they say. Mel Gibson went to great lengths to exploit this assertion in his horror/slasher film Passion of the Christ. With Easter almost here and all the hope that spring brings with it, I am somehow reminded by this time of renewal how much I despise Mr. Gibson and how happy I am he did not win an Oscar for Hacksaw Ridge. Which reminds me; it was in Choctaw Ridge that Billy Joe MacAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge.

A moment of silence please as we call to mind all those who sought release from this world by jumping off a bridge.

“Bridge Mix” is a curious thing. Boxed or bagged, tradition has it that a hodge-podge of milk and dark chocolate-coated almonds, pecans and raisins constitutes “Bridge Mix.” I would assume it came into fashion as ladies who lunch blended their snacks over a game of cards as opposed to riveters and steel workers mixing up their nuts atop the White Stone or Golden Gate.

Saint Louis is the Gateway to the West. The West Wing of the White House is where precious real estate has recently been allocated as office space for the daughter of the President of the United States. Ivanka Trump has no official status and will not be on the payroll, but she now enjoys security clearance of the highest level. This turn of events is sort of like “Bridge Mix”: a curious thing.

Those of us of a certain age will remember “Thing” from The Addams Family as being a detached hand that would spring up from a black box whenever his able-handed assistance might be necessary.

Which begs the question: Is it necessary to at least attempt to be semi-truthful as a matter of routine while holding the position of President of the United States of America? And unfortunately, the answer is a resounding NO!

We have a president who lies to us every single day. Even when it is proven to him on camera that the shit he is spewing bears no resemblance to the truth he’ll tell that exact same lie again without skipping a beat. And he will continue to tell that lie as often as it may suit him, because his approach to the presidency is one of head games and deflection. One of created chaos and reality show showmanship. It’s an amazing and unprecedented set of circumstances. We have a sitting president who has proven time and again that he lies with great ease and regularity, and has no regrets for having done so. We now know we simply cannot and should not trust our president to speak the truth. Ever. We have a president who quite possibly lacks the capacity to tell the truth. Ever. Not only is this scary, but it makes me profoundly sad and embarrassed and worried for your country.

Did you know that Lion Country Safari is still a going concern? The venerable drive-thru zoo attraction has been operating in placid Loxahatchee, Florida, since 1967!

In 1967 I was 10 years old and living in Shelton Connecticut – singing for my supper at Lenny’s Dog House – planning and scheming my running away from home. Which I did to come to Orlando to be a fearless Jungle Cruise skipper. You can learn the whole true-life-adventure being portrayed through witty repartee and song-and dance in my upcoming show WANZIE WITH A Z set to debut at the 2017 Orlando Fringe Festival in May.

Orlando Fringe will present its annual evening of previews on Monday evening, April 17, 2017. Twenty-four general-audience shows will present two-minute teasers followed by a second and separately ticketed program wherein 24 mature-audience shows will present teasers. I will be emceeing the mature-audience program. This event sells out every year, so I encourage you to reserve your tickets now:

P.S. Dear Blue Fairy, Can you please transform President Pinocchio into a real human?

Michael Wanzie is a playwright and theatrical producer residing in Orlando. You may subscribe to his weekly WANZeGRAM performing arts & cultural e-newsletter by logging onto

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