Comedy hero Judy Gold podcasts her way out of the publicity malaise machine

Judy Gold is filled with rage, hate and contempt for the ills of modern life. Luckily, she’s also a brilliant stand-up comic. She also has won two Emmys, starred on shows like Louie, Sex and the City and Roseanneand, on her off days, is a wife, mother and LGBT/Jewish activist. As if her work ethic could be anymore enviable, Gold is doing a podcast called “Kill Me Now” where she invites a host of eclectic performers to join her in a delicious whirlwind of intelligent shit-talking.

“I think I have a voice for radio,” Gold says. “I originally had a deal with Sirius, which fell through. And, even though it’s Sirius, it still wasn’t gonna be me. So that’s where the idea for ‘Kill Me Now’ came from.”

Unlike most podcasts, “Kill Me Now” is, well, brilliant. Gold isn’t interested in cheap shots, dumbing herself down, or inviting the hottest names that are happening in Hollywood (with the exception of Amy Schumer, who Gold knew when she was starting out).

“I want to get to know the real person. I am fascinated by people. All people,” she says.

Guests are encouraged to talk about things that would only normally come up in therapy: what antidepressants they’re on, estranged family members, past careers as sex workers. It sounds depressing, but it isn’t. (Those who harbor doubts should hear the episode with Artie Lange of Howard Stern fame; it’s both a harrowing tale of surviving addiction and contains a great anecdote about Tom Cruise beingbatshit on the set of Jerry Maguire).

Gold is proud of “Kill Me Now,” and through our conversation it is clear the frustration she feels on a day to day business isn’t part of her shtick; it’s genuine despondency on where the world is headed. Together we lament as we witness the destruction of the English language (“Dictionary.com considered LOL an actual word,” said Gold. “Until recently. Now it is antiquated. The proper expression you’re supposed to use instead of LOL is ‘haha’ or ‘hehe’.

Another long and shared hatred between Gold and this writer is the country’s addiction to cellphones. “Nobody wants to actually witness anything anymore. I watch people pay money for live shows and hold their phones up through the entire thing. As a comic, you can actually see that phone in the audience and it gets me so fucking mad. I mean, you paid money and you can’t go an hour without using that thing?”

Gold has another cellphone junkie story to boot.

“There was a guy who got up on stage, because he saw a prop electrical socket and tried to plug his phone in,” she says. “He realized it was a prop. I wonder, ‘Who the fuck raised this person?’ Look, I get it, it’s good to have a cellphone for emergencies and whatnot, but with cellphones and grammar, I think ‘I am not an old fart, but I feel like I am on the opposing sides of this.’”

“In the future we are all going grow bigger thumbs and have smaller brains.”

For Gold, it’s basically comes down to this: put down your cellphones, and know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
Our discussions also included the internet and the new rise of YouTube/Tumblr/Twitter “stars” (Bette Davis, they ain’t) and their viral rise to “fame”.

“Viral used to be a bad word and it still is. Fat Jew, that guy, he was stealing other people’s jokes and got signed on to do a show at Comedy Central. Well, all the comics went after him. But CAA was going to represent him. I couldn’t believe it.”

Still, despite this blatant thievery, the Fat Jew is able to get a verified account from Twitter while Gold has not (“I have been trying for a while. I am not entirely sure why. I am not bothered by it, but isn’t it fucked up?”)

With Twitter, talent and accomplishment have nothing to do with verification (Note to Twitter: be part of the solution, not part of the problem), but this is also the internet at large.

“A YouTube sensation can fill a comedy club,” she says.

But is it sustainable?

“No. People don’t realize you’re constantly writing when you’re not on stage,” Gold says. “In the days before the internet and cellphones we had to work for information. These days a YouTube video of somebody doing some dumb shit goes viral and they think they can do we what we do.”

So that is why Gold is doing “Kill Me Now,” to address these themes, as well as many others that are equally packed with vitriol and glee. Upcoming guests include the now legendary Dick Cavett and Lea DeLaria. For the time being you can listen to the recordings with Amy Schumer, D’yan Forest, Rachel Feinstein, Rosie O’Donnell , Christian Finnegan…you know, a list of people so cool it almost drops the temperature. (And can all be accessed for free at http://judygold.com/podcast)
Gold will be performing her live shows here and there and has promised tobe appearing in Florida of winter 2016. So everyone brush up on their grammar and punctuation. Judy Gold is a stern headmistress, and she is not afraid to slap a few knuckles.

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