Watermark’s 2014 Orlando Fringe Reviews: Sperm Wars

When you first walk into the Blue Venue, the theme song to the movie Star Wars can be overheard as you find your seat. But I can guarantee this story isn’t about a galaxy far, far away — it actually hits a lot closer to home than you might think.

Random Samples Collective’s show Sperm Wars, the one-man show starring Jeff Leard, will leave you laughing after every word, movement or sound that is performed. The show depicts a comedic, one-man show of the journey of the Sperm Army of the Left Testicle, led by Kernel Gamete, as they strive to protect themselves as they journey to the horrible Egg (aka: the Star of Death, as mentioned in the show).

With every motion and word, Leard “ejects” his energy and charisma onto the audience, who was in stitches after his every word (and if you thought that sexual innuendo is funny, believe me, his show is filled with them). If I had a dollar for every penis, dick or ejaculation pun or innuendo that was made during Sperm Wars, I’d maybe be richer than George Lucas himself.

Leard takes you on a voyage of the process that leads up to sperm and egg meetings, but what you don’t usually see that is going on behind the scenes. He paints you a perfect scene of the army of millions and millions of sperm waiting for the “force is with them” moment while you also get to see the other side of what is occurring inside the woman during her ovulation period. And may I say as a woman whose mother who worked for an OB-GYN, he was spot on with the biological accuracy. Throughout his storytelling he talks of “Ovaria,” where they must offer up a sacrifice for the “Gods” by choosing one egg to go. Emily the Egg becomes the chosen one, where she eventually meets up in the end with Kernel Gamete who is the only lasting sperm that made it out of the battle. But the journey of getting to that point is half the adventure.

Leard’s Sperm Wars is the anatomy class you wish you had when you had to learn about reproduction. Dressed in an all-white leotard; black boots and half-arm sleeves; and his face and hair covered in white paint, he had the audience in tears at various points throughout his performance. His many pitched voices for his different characters are hilariously genius, thoroughly taking you on the steps and processes that makeup the very essence of his “Spermerica.”

In words (from Leard himself) that can sum up the hilarity that can be expected from this show: “The vagina is no place for second guessing.”

Never once was I bored during this show because Jeff Leard is what made the show that enjoyable. If you’re looking for a very punny (and funny) show that will leave you happy you saw it, the force is strong with this one.

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