10.11.12 Editor’s Desk

10.11.12 Editor’s Desk

SteveBlanchardHeadshotThe day this issue of Watermark is distributed across the state is a big deal in the LGBT community, rather you know it or not.

Oct. 11 is National Coming Out Day, a day celebrated since 1988 as a means to encourage LGBTs to come out of the closet and share their true selves with friends and family. Of course, for those of us already living openly, encouraging others to do the same is easy, and even frustrating when they are reluctant to declare their same-gender attraction. But for those still in the closet, sharing details about their sexual orientation can be much scarier than anything a theme park can dream up for Halloween.

Thanks to many religious groups linking us to the LGBT community, declaring who we are remains a struggle for people fearful of their family’s reactions. I know that’s how I felt before I came out.

I knew I was gay way before I finally shared the information with friends at the age of 21. In elementary school, I had crushes on other boys and I felt extremely guilty for those feelings. By the time puberty hit, the locker room was unbearable and I would avoid it if at all possible because I knew my wandering eyes would download images that only compounded by guilt.

Even church camps in the summer were torture because I knew my thoughts didn’t fit the definition of “normal” preached at me every Sunday and occasionally at random family gatherings. It felt like shirtless and athletic boys were always around me and resistance was impossible. When I had my first sexual experience with another male in early junior high, I was exhilarated and incredibly conflicted.

The young man returned my affections (which only included some awkward touching) and we carried on our platonic-until-we-were-alone-together relationship for several years. We never talked about those encounters and we both continued to date the opposite sex, but I knew what I found attractive, and it sure wasn’t in that other locker room.

Despite this, forming the thought “I like boys” in my mind was an impossibility. If I admitted that to myself, then Jesus and his army of angels was surely going to swoop down and slap me with thunderbolts. Isn’t that what the Bible said?

Like so many others, it wasn’t until my college days in Missouri that I finally had enough of the inner conflict and actively started meeting other gay men and lesbians.

Somehow, through the miracle of now what seems archaic technology, I chatted with and eventually met a friend through mIRC (Microsoft Internet Relay Chat), a system that’s embarrassing by today’s standards. While that friend and I never connected well romantically or socially, his lesbian roommate became a fixture in my life and continues to be one today. In fact, she walked me down the aisle at my Holy Union and now lives in Tampa Bay.

Until then, I didn’t have a reference for what a “real” gay person was like. I was surprised that “they” weren’t the awful creatures I had imagined based on incorrect information.

As we celebrate National Coming Out Day, we should all try to showcase what it means to be LGBT. Which, in short, means living our lives just as everyone else in this country does.

You never know who needs a positive example of what it means to live openly. Whether or not you meet that individual directly, showing him or her that we’re no different than our straight neighbors could be the best gift we could ever give.
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While we reflect on the Come Out With Pride celebration in Orlando and the closing weekend of the Tampa International Gay and Lesbian Film Festival, it’s important we remember another historical day in LGBT history. It was 14 years ago on Oct. 7 that Matthew Shepard was found tied to a Wyoming fence post and clinging to life. On Oct. 12, 1998, Shepard died from the beating he received simply because he was gay.

The world is a lot different than the one Shepard died in 14 years ago, but we still have a long way to go.

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