Dear Truth,
I recently broke up with my 24-year-old boyfriend of 18 months, and he has become a total psycho. When we were together, he was usually very sweet and kind, but now he is totally unpredictable. The day I told him it was over, he flipped out. He literally grabbed onto my leg to prevent me from leaving his house, then he stood in front of my car so I couldn’t drive away. When I tried to go around him, he punched my car, leaving several large dents. Since then he has keyed my car and threatened me and my friends (in person and on the phone). I just want him to go away, but he keeps harassing me. He also has been spreading vicious rumors about me (e.g., I cheated on him, I’m HIV-positive) and I am constantly defending myself against his ridiculous lies. Basically, he’s acting like a spoiled teenage “mean girl” and I want him to stop. What should I do?
—Pissed in Pinellas
Dear PIP,
You don’t say how long ago “recently” was so I don’t know if this is the really wavy part of a tempest in a teacup and he’ll calm down shortly, or if he’s on the train to Crazy Town. No matter which, you’re right to be a little freaked out and concerned. While I’m sure you don’t want to unleash even more aggravated nuttiness your way, you also must protect yourself. You can’t stop him from spreading lies about you. You can only hope that people will consider the source of such information. But threatening you and your property is another story altogether. Here comes the Truth, baby: what he’s doing is called criminal stalking and it is very much against the law. Even without that, since he’s already damaged your property, he’s already broken the law. I say let him know you’re not going to take this sort of behavior. Call the police and report your car vandalized, and tell them you know who did it. Perhaps a visit from the police will turn down the heat on the wackadoodle he’s cooking.
Dear Truth,
My friend, Walter, and I are having an argument with our circle of friends. Walter and I like to get stoned and occasionally we do party drugs (like Ecstasy) if we’re going clubbing or to a big party. We have never been arrested or in any kind of trouble, and we both have good jobs that we intend to keep, so we never miss work. Our other friends are against drugs and constantly ride us about our partying, even though they drink all the time and get drunk at least once every weekend. They say that we have a drug problem—even though we’ve repeatedly gone out with them without rolling or getting high—and insist that all drug use leads to addiction. I say Walter and I are just having fun and they are judging us so they can feel better about themselves. So tell me: Is there such a thing as “responsible” drug use?
—420 in 407
One with a Remainder of 13,
While it’s difficult to call any illicit drug use ‘responsible,’ there is such a thing as ‘recreational’ drug use and far be it from me (or your friends) to lecture another adult about their behavior. Further, not all drug use, particularly something like marijuana, necessarily leads to drug addiction. I’m wondering if there is something about the way they perceive your behavior when you’re high that is particularly offensive to them.
If some people are on certain drugs and some people are not, a group dynamic can get shot all to shit. I’d be more responsive to a conversation about that, if that is truly the issue, than your friends simply moralizing to you, particularly if they’re holding a cocktail while doing it. You don’t give your age but since it seems most of your friends don’t do the drugs you do, I’m guessing you’re a little older than the average club kid.
Here’s comes the Truth, baby: At a certain point, it’s time to put away childish things. If you’re in a large group of people, none of whom want to smoke or roll with you, then you should save that behavior for around people who are not bothered by it. If you don’t have a problem with your ‘recreational’ use, that shouldn’t be a problem.
