A Minute With... Beel Ballinger

“The more nervous I get, the more Southern I sound,” he says. “I think it made me sound less gay back when I was sensitive about stuff like that.”

It’s easy to imagine Ballinger as a concierge or maitre ‘de, but not so much as manager of an adult store.

Then again, Fairvilla Megastore on Orange Blossom Trail is no ordinary adult outlet. The huge retail complex is an Orlando institution, attracting even the area’s local hoi polloi to its open well-lit spaces. And that’s because it’s fun. Even the kinkiest merchandise is displayed openly, and a friendly and well-trained sales team encourages questions and even demonstrations.

Laughter permeates the building and no skulking is allowed. Instead, couples—including same-sex pairs—hold hands and giggle as they consider their next purchase.

Born in Virginia and raised outside Jacksonville, Ballinger moved to Orlando in 2001. His first local job was at Border’s, but a co-worker soon hooked him up with a part-time gig at Fairvilla and he has been there ever since. He currently helps oversee a staff of 30 in Orlando. Fairvilla owners Sherri and Bill Murphy also have popular stores in Cocoa Beach and Key West. 

Disarmingly candid, Ballinger had only one qualifier before we spoke: his answers are his, and are not those of the employers he clearly holds in high regard.

How is working at Fairvilla different than you expected?
It’s much more professional than I thought it would be. This is a major retail establishment. We emphasize customer service. I enjoy working here, and it doesn’t make me feel sleazy or tacky at all. I save that for my personal life.

Like a character from Gone With the Wind, Beel Ballinger has the accent and easy-going conversational manner of a courtly Southern gentleman.

Has it changed your attitude about sex?
Not really… I still have it as often as possible. But I’ll tell you, it does open you up to the fact that there’s a lot more than being on top or on the bottom. And I’ve learned useful things, like the difference between water based and silicone based lubricants.

What’s the difference?
Water based gets sticky and tacky after a while. And I’ve also learned that you can tell the difference between a drag queen and a cross dresser by the way they carry their handbag. (He demonstrates.)

What’s a sex toy that everybody should have?
Every man should have a cock ring… especially straight men. If they knew about cock rings they wouldn’t be spending all that money on Viagra and the herbal supplements we sell. Cock rings work. They make it bigger and keep it hard. And that’s the beauty of this store. People can come in and be exposed to things and learn about things.

Does the herbal stuff work?
Oh yeah… you can bust a nut and turn right around and do it again.

Are there any trends in adult toys?
Male masturbators seem to be getting more popular.

Why do you think that is?
Well, believe it or not there’s a lot of research and development that goes on in this industry. The products are constantly revised and improved, and the masturbators work better and feel better.

Any other trends?
I’d say we see more couples and more straight men. Ten years ago, a man with a sex toy was just gay. Now straight men are more open to using toys, even the ones that massage their prostate. Straight men will stick anything up there as long as a woman’s doing it. Actually, they’re open to just about anything as long as there’s a woman in the room somewhere. 

What’s the biggest selling product for women?
The We-Vibe. It’s a really cool looking couples vibrator that’s shaped like a ‘C’ so that the top part works the clitoris and the bottom part hits the g spot. But it’s small enough so that a man can still fit inside, and then he feels it too.

Lesbians also like the Silver Bullet and all the bullet products. They’re for clitoris stimulation. 

How has the gay section of the store changed?
It’s much bigger. It used to be just some VHS tapes. We even rented out VHS players for people that didn’t have them, and they would bring everything back in when they were done. Now we have different sections—magazines, underwear, lubricants, cock rings, toys that scream ‘I’m gay’—and it all feeds into the DVD rental and purchase section.

The other thing that’s different is you don’t see so many ‘nervous customers’—you know, the ones that would hang out right where the straight DVD’s merged with the gay and then they would step away when anyone got close. Now you see guys holding hands.

Speaking of DVDs, what are some of your favorite titles?
Oh my gosh… so many: Dawson’s Crack, Everybody Does Raymond, Big Dicks and Little Chicks, Ruby the Transvestite Midget, Granny Does a Tranny, Bust a Nut in Granny’s Butt. That one’s just so wrong. If we went down and looked we’d find a bunch of funny ones.

Any trends in videos?
The multi-cultural ones are really popular right now, and so is the bareback stuff. I think these DVDs are escape for people, and so they like to pretend they can have sex without any risk. Don’t get me wrong… I’m all about safe sex. But it’s really not all that hot watching a guy stop everything to put on a condom. In fact, you’ll notice you almost never see that. One minute two guys are playing around, and the next one of them is in there with the condom already on.  

What’s the most expensive thing you sell?
The Sybian. It’s like a small leather hobby horse with a vibrating phallus on top. It retails for $1,642.99… with attachments.

Any products that baffle you?
Well, can you tell me why Anal Eze (sphincter muscle desensitizer) comes in cherry? Actually, you want to be careful with that stuff. You don’t want to desensitize too much or you’ll be wearing depends for two days.

Any Tiger sightings?
To the best of my knowledge, Tiger Woods has never been in.  

What’s the strangest encounter you’ve had at Fairvilla?
Well, I can tell you the creepiest. This middle aged man came in and bought this humongous dildo, and he was all about making sure the motor worked. Then he proceeded to tell me he’s a preacher, but his congregation kicked him out ‘because he told the truth.’ He said that when Jesus comes back he’ll take some people back to heaven, and everyone else will have their heads cut off. He didn’t tell me how people who buy motorized dildos will be categorized. 

What insights do you have about sexuality after working at Fairvilla for nine years?
Really, it’s that everybody’s pretty much the same. We all want to be touched and rubbed and squeezed a little. We all want a little loving.