Watermark Online - Your LGBT Life. Daily.: The Truth: Testy tried The Truth: Testy tried ================================================================================ The Truth on 17/02/2010 14:35:00 Dear Truth, I am furious. For Valentine’s Day, I made plans to surprise my boyfriend, Richard, with an uninterrupted evening together, which is really rare. We work opposite schedules, and I had to cash in all kinds of favors and take a vacation day so we could enjoy the holiday together. I made reservations at a nice restaurant, where I was going to give him an expensive gift to celebrate our two year anniversary. I even had champagne and strawberries waiting for after dinner. None of this ever happened, however, because Richard’s best friend called crying (as usual) a few hours before dinner to tell Richard that he had been dumped and couldn’t be alone. Richard left to console his friend, leaving me alone and fuming. We have been fighting ever since. Richard apologized but insists he made the right decision and that I would’ve done the same thing. I say he needs to put me ahead of his friends or we’re done. Am I right? —Tampa Tornado Dear Tazmanian Devil, For the record, I agree with you: Richard made the wrong move. You were correct in saying that he put his friend before you. It’s not like this was a normal Sunday night; it was Valentine’s Day and you put a lot of effort into making it special for him, only to have that all overturned by one weepy phone call. That was thoughtless. Clearly Richard should have put his foot down and told his friend that, while he was sorry for his loss and more than willing to be there for him later, his plans with his Valentine had to take precedence. That he didn’t is a bad sign. He’s either a complete va-jay-jay or he is ambivalent about your relationship. There is no other way to look at it. Needy friends have a tendency to pop-up at the worst possible moment. The fact that the friend calls Richard, who he knows has a partner, on Valentine’s Day saying he can’t be alone proves that he is no friend of yours. He’s a childish narcissist. And if Richard still feels he did the right thing, then his apology is essentially worthless. People don’t apologize for doing the right thing. He’s placating you and I get it: you’re pissed. Until Richard understands that his primary romantic relationship must take precedence over his friends, particularly messy and hyperemotional ones, you’re not on solid ground. Here come’s the Truth, baby: It’s sweet that Richard wants to comfort his friends, but if he’s not careful he’ll be going through one soon himself. Only time can reveal the answer, and once it does I think it will become obvious what you need to do. Dear Truth, I am in a triad relationship with two other guys, Kurt and Luis. I was partnered with Kurt for six years before I suggested that we introduce Luis into our family. Even though there was plenty of physical attraction to go around, and in every possible direction, Kurt was uncomfortable with the idea at first. But he agreed, and we have both grown to love Luis these past two years. But now Luis is clearly more interested in Kurt than me, and Kurt is eating it up. I see Luis engaging with Kurt in ways he doesn’t with me. When I try to talk to Kurt about this, he defends Luis and tells me I’m jealous and paranoid. I’m worried that Luis may be trying to break us up so they can be together. What should I do? —Pushed Aside Dear Pushy Ass-ide, Oh people. Do you write letters to the Truth, but never take my advice? I know the idea of a three-way relationship sounds exotic and edgy and sexy on paper. At first, it may be all of that. But the track record for three-way relationships is so poor in my experience that it should come with a warning label from the FDA. In my mind, being okay with seeing your man entwined semi-permanently with someone else must mean your feelings aren’t that strong to begin with. Or, they’re so strong that you’re willing to along with it out of fear that you’ll lose him otherwise. Paranoia? Jealousy? No kidding! You really didn’t see that coming? You say the chemistry between you and Luis was undeniable. Well what were you doing in the laboratory in the first place? Human emotions are combustible things and you’ve assembled a combination that has blown up in your face. You are the one who brought Luis into your relationship. You wanted to have your cake and eat it too. But now the cake is stale and each bite makes you sicker. Well grab a fork, honey, because you’re getting what you asked for, even if it turns out to not be what you wanted. The only hope is to remove one-third of this complicated equation and allow the two remaining parties to figure out how they really feel about it each other. Unfortunately, dear reader, it sounds like you might be the one without a chair when the music stops. Good luck.