The Truth: Navigating opinions

Dear Truth,
My girlfriend Ellen and I have been together for about eight years. Last month my gay best friend from college, Timothy, moved to the area for a new job. Timothy was my financial and emotional savior when we were younger, but he’s had a lot of setbacks lately. He needed a place to stay, so I told him he could stay with us (with Ellen’s approval, of course). Now Ellen is acting all jealous and weird. She barely speaks to Timothy when we’re together, and she picks fights with me for no apparent reason. Timothy has tried to get along, but I can see he’s hurt and embarrassed. I’ve reassured Ellen that the situation is temporary, but I’m not going to ask Timothy to leave until he’s back on his feet. How can I get them to get along?
—Gulf Coast Girl

Dear Sunshine Skyway,
My first reaction is:  these are two adults. They should be able to figure it out themselves. But I do realize such a belief is more aspirational than it is realistic. Truth is, your lover agreed to house this person; and your friend has been there in your times of need and you are now in a place to reciprocate. That’s a beautiful thing. By your description, your friend is doing all the right things and Ellen is doing all the wrong ones. You need to pull her aside and gently explain to her the contribution to your well-being Timothy provided and at just the right time.  You owe him and apparently, you were raised well enough to repay that debt. Cheers to you and your parents. 

As your life partner, Ellen should see that as a sign of your generosity of spirit and your character. Yes, she didn’t sign on for this. But here comes the Truth, baby:  when you partner with someone, you blend your responsibilities. Your dear friend Timothy helped you and now it’s your turn. If he’s truly as sensitive and respectful as you imply, she shouldn’t be having such a problem with it, given that it is a temporary arrangement. 

Giving her some context for the favor may snap her out of her selfishness.

Dear Truth,
My boyfriend Kristof and I are in our 30s and we’ve been together three years. When we first met, I was concerned that he was HIV positive and I was negative, but we talked openly about it, did some research and realized it wasn’t prohibitive. It has its challenges, but it’s only a small part of our wonderful relationship. The problem is how other gay men treat us. My friends who are negative seem to think I’m on some kind of suicide mission, and Kristof’s friends, many who are positive, constantly remind him how great it is to be able to bareback.

We even get unsolicited (and uneducated) feedback from strangers when we go to the clubs, usually advising me to either seroconvert or break up. You would think gay men would know better! I’m tired of explaining and defending my relationship—what should I do?
—Frustrated in Hillsborough

Dear Egg-White Frustrata,
First of all, who are these assholes who are extolling the virtues of barebacking? They need a lesson in public health, not to mention tact. I don’t love that this is the quality of friends he’s chosen. 

Bragging about raw ass sex to a poz/neg couple is patently passive-aggressive. But let’s put that aside. At the end of the day, the opinions of the outside world are mere gnats to swat away. You and Kristof have negotiated your risk and have struck the proper balance in your relationship. If this is your only issue, I say you’re playing with house money. 

The natterings of all the queens needs to be taken with a shovelful of salt. Here comes the Truth, baby: people will always have opinions. What you do with them—or not—is up to you.