The Truth: The trials of love

Dear Truth,
My boyfriend, Chris, rents an inexpensive room from a guy who is in love with him. The guy who owns the house used to be friendly, watched Chris’s dog, and helped with cooking and cleaning. But now that Chris and I are dating he finds reasons to keep Chris at home. On top of that, the guy says I spend too much time there. I do hang out at Chris’s at night, but we stay in Chris’s room and watch movies. I rarely spend the night. Chris and I would spend more nights at my place, but then the guy either calls and complains that Chris’s dog needs walking (even though the guy has two dogs of his own) or bitches to Chris the next day about all the things that “need to done” around the house. Chris can’t afford to move and I already share a house with two other people. What should we do?
—Cramped Style

Dear Love Psychotic Style—
It would be helpful, dear questioner, to know the age of your relationship. Because the obvious solution is that the two of you move in together. If you own your house, it might be time to give your tenants notice. If not, at the end of your current lease, why not plan to cohabitate? It’s true that Chris should not do this just to get away from his (drunk with crazy) roommate; but if the two of you are moving in that direction anyway, why not kill two birds with one stone? (One question: Why can’t Chris just bring his dog to your place?)

If you’re not ready for that (which is okay), Chris’ options diminish. Frankly, Chris seems a bit passive in the whole thing. How can a grown man be “kept at home?” Given the facts you’ve laid out, I would recommend against a confrontation in an effort to change the roommate’s behavior. That could result in the igniting of even more aggravated nuttiness.

The blanket explanation of “can’t afford to move” needs to be readdressed. I’m not suggesting Chris go into grave debt to extricate himself, but a short term loan (possibly from his parents, or similar) might be his get out of jail free card. Here comes the Truth, baby: Chris needs to be creative and diligent to collect the money he needs to move out. It’s a finite goal, it’s doable if he’s hard-working and shows initiative, and it is essential. He can no longer live with Jennifer Jason Leigh in his own version of “Single Gay Male.”

Dear Truth,
I want to break up with my boyfriend. I just found out from a guy online that he has been cheating on me with a man half my age. When I confronted him, he claimed that he wasn’t cheating on me because they never had sex. However, he admitted that he has been secretly spending time with this glorified go-go boy, taking him to dinners and movies because it makes him feel young and sexy. He also confessed that they had kissed more than once. He thinks I’m overreacting; I say that he’s a lying cheat and he needs to pack his bags and get out. What do you think?
—Forty and Furious

Dear Double F—
Know this:  If the go-go boy and he haven’t fucked yet, they will soon enough—and they’ve done more than kiss. Frankly, I’m not buying a word he says. Further, my guess is that he’s “paying” for it (and if you share finances, I’d investigate that as soon as possible), if only in goods and services, and not cold hard cash. You don’t give his age, but if his is close to yours it’s the classic mid-life crisis come to call. He is essentially telling you (with his meager excuse) that you don’t make him feel young and sexy anymore—as though that’s your fault or obligation. Here comes the Truth, baby: Your boyfriend is a selfish bastard. If this is a new phenomenon, it’s possible he’s going through a phase that is practically a rite of passage among men of a certain age. But it’s still going to leave a mark. He needs to stop this immediately. If he does, then the hard work begins of rebuilding trust and trying to find a way to fulfill each other once again. Good luck.