The Wonderful World of Wanzie: Welcome Spring!

By : Michael Wanzie
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We are now living in a time when we, as citizens and indeed the elected leaders of the United States of America, seem to be constantly at odds with another. Not merely over policies or how best to solve a problem, overcome adversity or deal with a crisis; rather over whether or not the policy was ever really a policy to begin with and whether or not the problem, adversity or crisis actually exists or ever existed.

It is impossible to make any real progress debating solutions when our time is instead spent debating what is fact and what is fiction; what is news and what is fantasy. Never in my lifetime have I witnessed such a crippling of the ability of our government, indeed the ability of our nation as a whole, to achieve consensus on any matter because we the people can’t even agree on the validity or truthfulness of said matter. This my friends will go down in history as the most significant and most harmful blow to our democracy brought about by the election of Donald J. tRump as president.

The absolute and total disregard by this man for truth and his methodical, maniacal and purposeful dissemination of misinformation and downright lies have proven to be the most divisive device in his arsenal of devices intended solely to keep us divided as a people. This ongoing national debate over what is real news and what is “fake news” is the greatest accomplishment of this shameful and dangerous president.

It is impossible and indeed futile to argue anymore with people who support a president whose single greatest accomplishment is that he’s convinced an astonishing number of people that truth in no longer truth and facts are not facts, unless he proclaims them to be so. It is not enough to say this turn of events attributable to tRump is upsetting or scary. It should be called what it is—akin to Hitler—and I for one am sick and tired of those in the media who are too polite to say so.

We have a modern day Hitler in our White House and his brainwashed followers have fallen into lockstep with his hatred and bigotry, no differently than the goose-stepping idolizers of that evil German menace who eventually and successfully exterminated more than 6 million people of whom he persuaded an entire nation to hate. I will leave my completely defensible and accurate assessment of tRump, the danger he represents and the damage he is doing to our democracy summed up in that one word—Hitler.

No self-respecting homosexual, lover of musical theater such as myself can type or even think the word Hitler without the brilliant Mel Brooks parody production number “Springtime for Hitler” coming to mind. Thank God it did come to mind as it provides me a journalistic segue from the demise of our democracy as we once knew it into less weighty matters and indeed a happier and more hopeful realm: spring.

Spring, which derives its name from the springing forth of new life that visually and literally punctuates the season, has long been a metaphor for new beginnings and renewed hopefulness. A fresh spark or reawakening of our collective human spirit. So it is with this air of optimism brought about by the start of spring, which by most accounts began in this year of 2019 at precisely 5:58 p.m. on Wednesday, March 20, that I transition from thoughts of the dark and foreboding reality of our president and turn instead to welcoming spring. However in attempting to do so I discovered that we as a people cannot even agree on when the fuck spring began.

Those readers of Watermark who paid more attention in school than did I likely already know what I’m about to reveal, but it came as a surprise to this classroom daydreamer. It seems the followers of astronomy chart the beginning of spring as arriving at a slightly different time every year based on the occurrence of the vernal equinox—when the sun moves north across the celestial equator—which most often occurs on March 21 but fluctuates between March 19-21. This year, as I stated earlier, spring arrived on March 20. That is if you are in the astronomical camp on the matter.

Unfortunately, in the other camp we have the followers of meteorology who for consistency of tracking weather patterns have divided up the calendar into equal parts: summer, spring, winter and fall. Therefore they declare the arrival of spring fixed as always occurring on March 1.

So the heady questions of the day with which I now leave you are these. Did spring begin on March 1 or March 20? Is the arrival of spring equated to a fixed date within the equally divided calendar or does the arrival of spring fluctuate in accordance with the vernal equinox as it occurs in the northern hemisphere?

Talk amongst yourselves.


It will surely be less stressful than debating whether or not we need a wall built on our southern border to deal with a tRump-invented crisis that does NOT exist. However, if you prefer not to debate at all, log onto YouTube, type in “Springtime For Hitler” and enjoy the hilarious spectacle while you still have the right to do so—and to satisfy Watermark’s editorial criteria, might I also recommend you view “Keep It Gay.”

Regardless of which camp you are in, Happy Spring!

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