High Fidelity: Brunch Bubblies

I’m going to say something that may come off as a little harsh, a little mean. I believe it needs to be said: gay brunch needs to die.

Okay, let that sink in. Feel it a little bit. What exactly does it mean that gay brunch needs to die? I recently saw a funny meme that went around about gay brunch. It was a cartoon of several champagne flutes that had come to life and were blabbing about gay brunch stuff. The title of it was “If Your Gay Brunch Could Talk.”

The champagne flutes are muttering lines like, “Am I the only person who hasn’t seen ‘Call Me By Your Name?,’” “Don’t come for me!” and “Check your privilege!” Then it turns to funny in the end. All of the flutes quiet down as a stone-faced beer mug is being carried by on a waiter’s tray. All the flutes quiet down and they start yelling “DADDY!”

At the very end someone says, “Choke me, Daddy!” The meme was shared all across social media at the beginning of Pride with lots of laughs. It caused me to pause for a second and consider what my gay brunches are actually like.

A few months back I was at brunch with a group of friends. One person was having a really good time. Anytime the server came by, they had a fresh mimosa in hand. After a few, their eyes were starting to zero in on people for some good-natured ribbing. They weren’t trying to attack anyone, but the library was open and they were gently making fun of people.

One comment went too far with one friend. Someone’s feelings were hurt, and the person on the receiving end of the reading silently paid for their brunch and left. It was an awkward moment to sit through.

Thinking about that moment, and so many others that started off innocently but turned into everyone at the table reading someone or jumping on someone’s life decisions, made me wonder why we as gay people sometimes tear each other down. I understand that we aren’t going to sit around and compliment each other for an hour and a half during brunch, but why do we always need to attack and read other people in our own groups?

There could be so many answers to that question. Maybe humor was a tool for a lot of LGBTQ kids to keep away the bullying? Maybe we deal with so much in our own lives of feeling oppressed that we lash out at the ones we love the most? I have no clue. I’m not a psychologist. Here’s what I do know: We need to do a little more encouraging instead of the tearing down.

Who in your brunch group may be living paycheck to paycheck and can’t actually afford the weekly group outing? Who is throwing back their mimosa and laughing at your jokes but secretly cutting themselves or having thoughts of suicide? Who sitting at your table is cringing because they tried to call their parents for the fifth time that month but they won’t answer because they just came out?  Maybe it’s time to use these brunches as a weekly lift-up session. Instead of making fun of the person sitting at the brunch table that’s in between jobs, maybe you should offer to help them look for a job.

I would like to say at this point, this is not every brunch group and this is not just exclusive to gay brunch outings. The times we live in are scary. We are fighting to make sure our rights don’t slide through our fingertips. We are fighting to make sure we are represented in media and entertainment. We are fighting to make sure we can be open and honest at work. We are fighting so much, so why should we drag down those in our chosen families?

Maybe gay brunch does not need to die, but I want to take it upon myself to elevate brunch and make sure that I know what’s really going on in the lives of my friends. Not just the latest gossip or drama, which I do love to hear about, but I want to know more about how my friends are doing. That way we can go into the week feeling bubbly from the mimosas and the connection with friends.