Uprisings: Without a Doubt

By : Jeremy Williams
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There have always been ridiculous references to “October Surprises” and their political import, but never, at least in my history, have they involved a Weiner. Last week, as everyone knows, Federal Bureau of Investigation director James B. Comey unleashed the political hounds and stated that he was re-opening his case against Hillary Clinton based on emails she didn’t even write. Comey, he of the Bush administration, saw fit to pull a stunt like this just a week before the presidential election.

What does it all mean? We will not know, possibly ever. The Friday news dump issuance of his concerns is, well, concerning. The FBI is clearly playing politics. And Wiener’s dick pics remain unimpressive.

“While I disagree with those who suggest you should have kept the FBI’s discovery secret until after the election, I agree that your disclosure did not go far enough,” Iowa Republican Senator Chuck Grassley wrote to Comey on Oct. 28, according to The New York Times. “Unfortunately, your letter failed to give Congress and the American people enough context to evaluate the significance or full meaning of this development. Without additional context, your disclosure is not fair to Congress, the American people, or Secretary Clinton.”

Seriously. To reiterate, we have one presidential candidate who is up to the top of her pantsuit in political experience and popular discord (because she’s a woman). We have another, Donald Trump, who is a reality television star with alleged rape on his sleeve and plenty of people to prove it. Let’s not parse the details here. There is a difference.

So now the heat is on, even after grope-gate, for the government as it stands to make sense of this kerfuffle. Is Trump worse, or is Hillary gaming the system. Did I mention that the whole new FBI scandal involves failed politician Anthony Wiener’s wiener? This is so absurd, and so beneath a woman deserving the presidency along with a splash of decency.

Tellingly, and smirkingly, even the president is standing on the sidelines in a daze of confusion.

“The president doesn’t believe that Director Comey is intentionally trying to influence the outcome of an election,” White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest said, according to the Times. “The president doesn’t believe that he’s secretly strategizing to benefit one candidate or one political party. He’s in a tough spot. And he’s the one who will be in a position to defend his actions.”

In an election season that has seen Benghazi trotted out time and time again, a former secretary of state having to sit before idiots for 11 hours and racism pulled out of its dirty corners for public display, it’s not OK. It just isn’t.

“I am sure they will reach the same conclusion they did when they looked at my emails for the last year,” Clinton said, according to the Times. “There is no case here. And they said it wasn’t even a close call, and I think most people have decided a long time ago what they think about all of this.”

We have. We’re with her.

The sun ain’t gonna shine anymore

Solar_panels_on_a_roofThe Sunshine State is well aware of its brightness, so it became abundantly clear this week that the clouds surrounding Amendment 1 were absolutely real and terrible. How so? Utility companies stepped up their donations in a political maneuver that shows their fear of solar power. Of course, solar energy – and the “grid” per se – have been an issue for years. Amendment 1, to be clear, is the utilites’ attempt to cut back on the solar-power freedoms democratically voted upon during the August primaries. The term “solar scam” has come up in recent days, generally as a means of supporting Amendment 1.

“Our data shows that the more the public knows about the possible consequences of Amendment 1, the less they like it,” political scientist and director of the Saint Leo University Polling Institute Frank Orlando told website Politico.com. Utility companies have opened their purses to the tune of $20.2 million for their deceitful cause, making them the largest donors imaginable (the amendment has $25.7 million in its political backwinds). Amendment 1 is a sham.

Poison pill
DonaldTrumpIt must feel terrible to be a Log Cabin Republican in the age of Donald Trump – believe us; we know a few – but even after the gay conservative group took to the national stage to renounce its support of Trump, its Miami chapter seemingly didn’t get the call.

On Oct. 26, the Miami chapter decided to support Trump, devil may care. “It’s huge,” Miami chapter president Vincent Foster told the Miami Herald. “A lot of our membership was upset. We were ready to risk everything and go our separate way to support our most supportive Republican presidential candidate for the LGBT community.”

Somebody somewhere is calling Mike Pence. He’s not answering.

I want candy?

Marijuana-Cannabis-Weed-Bud-GramOh, Halloween, how we miss you. Whether you’re engaging in slut shaming (hello, sexy nurse) or Satan (eek!), you never fail to amuse in your autumnal embrace. If you thought that razor blades in candied apples were bad, just wait until you wake up to a world full of marijuana-filled candies. If it sounds absurd, that is because it is absurd. Opponents of medical marijuana, which is Amendment 2, fact friends, overstretched reality in the build up to the horror holiday by suggesting that there might be weed in your Twix.

“This is a farce,” National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws Central Florida director said, according to floridapolitics.com. “This is totally unfounded, and it is an absolute lie.”

That didn’t stop Orange County Sheriff Jerry Demings from echoing the sentiment. He said edibles (as we call them) were “clearly attractive to children.”

“They may have warning labels, but does a 6-year-old [child] really know the difference or read a label before grabbing and eating a product which is attractively marketed the same as consumables for their young age group?” he asked.

It’s called parenting. Maybe get a label for that.

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