If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: Donald J. Trump is the only honest man running in this campaign. I’m not even going to lower my substantial dignity and mention the Democrats. First there is THAT woman who is running. She sent emails on her personal server to Nigerian princes that caused hundreds of people in Benghazi to get killed just before the world ended. Who in their right mind would even vote for this woman?
Though, she is better than that crazy old man. I just found out the other day that he’s not even a Christian! If that isn’t bad enough, he wants to take all of my money and give it to poor kids. Not sure how that is even fair because that would make my kids poor. This is America, you can’t do that. I am voting for the true American Christian. I know, you’re thinking Ted Cruz. I will never vote for “Lyin’ Ted.” The man might claim to be Christian, but he has NO morals at all. If you’re going to have multiple affairs and cheat on your wife, Ted, at least be proud and honest about them like Donald Trump. He has boasted about the hundreds and hundreds of women he has had sex with. Ted, you won’t even admit to the boring affairs you’ve had. Ted is also STEALING delegates from my dear Donald. That is directly against one of the Ten Commandments that Jesus wrote in the Bible! In all fairness, those delegates were from Colorado, so most of them were probably high. I hear it’s legal in Colorado.
Speaking of things being legal, kudos to the great state of Carolina (I can’t remember if this was in the North or the South one). They made it legal for Christians to stop transgender people from using the bathroom. I, for one, don’t think this law goes far enough. There are many other people I’d like banned from bathrooms. First off, ugly people. I don’t want to go into the ladies room and see an ugly person.
Next, ban poor people. They might be doing more than just using the bathroom. I think some of them might even be living in those public restrooms. Disgusting. Also, they should have banned all Muslims from using the bathrooms. How do we not know they are going in there to cause terrorism? Plus, with those robes they wear covering their faces, how do we not know they are male or female? That should be a double strike in (North or South) Carolina! I would say they should also ban Mexicans from the bathrooms, but then who would clean them? My biggest hope is that under President Trump, we see the Carolina bathroom law go nationwide. I want to be able to go in to a Nordstrom or a Saks Fifth Avenue without seeing someone in the bathroom other than myself. My tax dollars should not be spent on allowing poor ugly transgender Mexicans to sleep or pee wherever they feel like it.
If this sounds harsh to you, well then you’re just way too politically correct, and I’m way too drunk. Wake up, America. This isn’t our country anymore. Things are different. I remember the days when valet parking was only something the wealthy would do at an expensive restaurant or shop. Now valet parking is free, and everyone can do it outside of a Red Lobster. That is socialism my friends. I don’t want my Mercedes parked next to your Kia.
You know who is going to fix that? Donald Trump. He will Make America Great Again! Do I think I will make a difference by writing this in a homosexual newspaper? No, of course not; not many gays can read from what I hear. You’re way too busy with your gyms, your show tunes, your RuPaul shows to even know what is happening in the world. And that’s another thing. Drag racing used to be a masculine sport where real men got behind the wheel of a fast car. It was sexy and it was American. Donald Trump will take that back as well. You can bet your size-14 rhinestone pumps on that one. Please, don’t show this to my hairdresser Raoul.
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