I love Halloween. It presents so many opportunities for expression and creativity. My excitement over the holiday has frequently gotten me into trouble, but my costumes have taught me the important lesson of always being me.
During college, I worked for a small, commuter airline with stations in tiny airports throughout the western United States. I was based in Bakersfield, Calif., where our first flight on the day at 6 a.m. had only 19 passengers. I was the sole agent on duty Halloween morning and thought it would be fun to dress up in costume. Imagine the surprise of the flying public when they were checked-in, boarded, and their plane dispatched by the grim reaper! My boss came in two hours after the flight departed. She began hyperventilating, but somehow managed to get the words out â┚¬Å”Go home. You just need to go home.â┚¬Â I was suspended for two days and given a warning.
Years later while a reporter for the CBS station in Dallas, I had put on considerable muscle and thought it would be fun to celebrate Halloween as the â┚¬Å”Incredible Hulk.â┚¬Â My costume would be small, torn-up cargo shorts and lots of green body paint. The Halloween store assured me the paint would easily wash-off in a matter of hours. My boyfriend at the time covered me head-to-toe in the dark green paint.
The outfit, if you can call it that, was a huge hit in the gay Oaklawn neighborhood on Halloween night. We had fantastic fun for hours, until later that night in the shower when I discovered the paint was not coming-off very well. For the next six days, every time I appeared on-camera on-the-air in front of thousands of viewers, I had a strong greenish tint.
The following year, I felt a nautical theme would be fun. I would dress as a sailor. My costume was inexpensive and minimal. I wore boots, tight blue shorts, a sailor cap, and a â┚¬Å”crackerjackâ┚¬Â (look it up) around my neck. This costume again was well received- that is until pictures of me fully revealed appeared in the local gay newspaper. The management at my TV station was not thrilled.
As a frequent host for Gay Bingo in North Texas, I helped to raise thousands of dollars for the Resource Center of Dallas. Our bingo always had a theme to encourage the costumes: Ken & Barbie bingo, Superhero bingo, Greek God bingo, Under-the-Sea bingo and many more. It was usually me and two drag queens pulling the balls.
Halloween is a chance to break free from the parameters of our public image, to dress as our fantasies, to use our imaginations as far as our budgets and skills will allow. It’s a chance to attend parties to show a side of us few may know about. It’s an entree into the esoteric workings of our minds, without the sometimes intense judgment of the everyday world.
Halloween is a reason to show off our beautiful bodies, our amazing minds, our creative skills, and our sense, or nonsense, of humor. We can be as provocative or as ridiculous as we want. Depending on your belief, Halloween has traditionally been the time of year when the physical and supernatural worlds were closest and magical things could happen.
But what if we could be what we wanted to be all the time? Are you who you really want to be? What part of your personality are you hiding? And why?
For those of us who are gay or lesbian, â┚¬Å”pretendingâ┚¬Â to be someone else starts at a very early age. We learn from family, friends, and most of all, the media, that being â┚¬Å”differentâ┚¬Â isn't okay. Once we're immersed in our careers, we're told that sexuality isn't supposed to be something anyone sees or even knows about as part of our work life. The irony is that whether we're aware of it or not, and whether we're â┚¬Å”outâ┚¬Â or not, all of our relationships from family to friends to co-workers are touched in some way by the gift of being gay or lesbian.
By â┚¬Å”gift,â┚¬Â I'm asking â┚¬Å”what do you bring to the Halloween party called life?â┚¬Â What personality aspect of your favorite costume could bring delight and energy to the others we share our days with? What would your personality be like if you could choose to have any personality out there? Ask yourself that question and then remember we choose our costume every single day. Remember the lyric from â┚¬Å”I Am What I Am?â┚¬Â Gloria Gaynor sings â┚¬Å”It takes a lifetime to become the best that we can be. We do not have the time nor the right to judge each other. It's one life and there's no return and no deposit, so make sure you like what's in your closet.â┚¬ÂÂ
Jim Walker blogs at Loose Cannon.
