Abundant Blessings: Take time to define your family

Abundant Blessings: Take time to define your family

PHyllisHuntHeadshotWhen you hear the word â┚¬Å”familyâ┚¬Â what comes to mind? This edition of Watermark is all about Family.  Merriam-Webster's online dictionary defines family to mean: â┚¬Å”a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head or a group of persons of common ancestry or a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stockâ┚¬â€race or a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation.â┚¬Â

For most, our first introduction to the word came to describe our family of origin and the household of adults who raised us. If you were raised in a household involved in a religious community, you may have heard that community called a church family. In the 1970s the term â┚¬Å”familyâ┚¬Â became a code word for the LGBT community.  

How many times are you out and about and your â┚¬Å”gaydarâ┚¬Â goes off and you say to yourself or someone your with, â┚¬Å”Ah ha, I bet they're family.â┚¬Â You may be a member of your birth family, adopted family and/or family of choice.  

No matter how we use the term family or who we choose to include, â┚¬Å”familyâ┚¬Â involves people, and some of those people are very important to us. Relationships can be a great source of challenge and heartache from time to time, but they are our greatest gift.  As a pastor I am privileged to witness many different family relationships.  

In addition to my work at MCC Tampa, I also work as a hospital chaplain at Tampa General Hospital. This vocational program has offered me a very rich opportunity to not only grow in my understanding of pastoral care, but expand my understanding of what it means to protect our family and our wishes.  

Many of us have heard about same-gender loving couples where one of the two have suffered a traumatic injury or accident and ended up in a hospital. The hospital does not recognize the pair as family and the uninjured partner is excluded from the medical decisions and even visitation. In 2007 Janice Langbehn and Lisa Marie Pond and their children were on a cruise out of Miami to celebrate their 18 years together when Lisa Pond suffered an aneurysm and died about 18 hours after her hospital admission.

Janice was prohibited to see her during her stay because she was not considered next-of-kin. Three years later President Obama issued new rulings that required all hospitals receiving federal funds to permit visitation rights that included gay and lesbian relationships.  

Our challenge is not to get complacent with this new ruling and think that we now have all the rights we need to be with our loved ones. In fact the only privilege that has been extended is visitation rights and only at medical facilities that receive federal funds.  

In most states, our relationships are not protected. And even in the states that have marriage equality, if you are not married you have little or no rights as next of kin unless the two of you have completed both Health Care Surrogate and Living Will documents known as Advance Directives.  

The Health Care Surrogate form allows you to identify one or two people whom you trust to speak to the medical staff on your behalf if you are unable to grant permission. This document supersedes the privileges of the family of origin and if you are in a partnership, it gives you or your partner rights that married couples enjoy.  

To complete the advance directive you will need a living will which clearly states what your dying wishes would be if you were in a persisted vegetative state and could not give those directions. Most of us avoid this aspect of our health care needs and put off completing legal documentation that serve to protect our wishes and our family rights to participate in our care if we cannot give said permission.  

While we may be able to visit our loved ones, the medical staff is bound by the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA) of 1996. HIPPA laws legally prohibit employees from medical institutions to discuss or disseminate medical information about any patient without the expressed consent of that patient. And in the event the patient cannot give expressed consent, the advance directive serves as their expressed consent.  

Most medical centers have advance directives or you can use your search engine on the web to find them. It matters less where you get them and more that you and those closest to you complete them. I do hope that you will take advantage of this document and complete it, remembering to have a copy in your possession if you or your loved one is hospitalized.   

Hopefully you will never need this important document, but it is better to not need it and have it, than to need it and wish you had. This is one of the greatest gift exchanges you and those you love can share.

Phyllis Hunt is the senior pastor at the Metropolitan Community Church of Tampa.

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