Living Loud: Next of kin

Living Loud: Next of kin

MaryMeeksHeadshot_469903078.jpgNews Flash: You are not your life partner’s “next of kin.” In fact, the state of Florida says that you are no “kin” at all. That means if or when your partner has to be hospitalized, or ultimately when your partner dies, you will be viewed as a total stranger and have absolutely no rights with regard to your partner’s medical treatment, disposition of assets, or funeral arrangements. 

Yes, there are some legal documents you and your partner can execute that will partially address some of these problems. But no legal document can replicate the inherent rights and benefits of a state-sanctioned spousal relationship created by a marriage certificate, nor can it alleviate the emotional devastation of having your relationship discounted at a time when you are already suffering the greatest imaginable grief.

In my last column I wrote about the death of a good friend from cancer. Because my friend was gay, the burdens she faced were not just medical, and they continued after her death for her life partner. This was so even though my friend and her partner were very well-informed about their legal circumstances, had consulted with numerous lawyers, and had executed all of the legal documents they had been advised that they would need to protect them in just these circumstances. The anti-gay extremists who object so vociferously to granting equal civil rights to their fellow LGBT citizens would have you believe that it’s just that simple—sign a few legal papers and voilá, you have all the same rights they have. No need for that pesky little “marriage” certificate. Of course, we know better. And the experience my friends went through proves it.

My friends had executed all the recommended legal documents to contractually establish, as close as legally possible, the hundreds of inherent legal rights afforded to heterosexual spouses.  Through the documents they left everything they owned to each other upon their death and empowered each other to make all legal, financial and healthcare decisions for the other upon becoming incapacitated to act for themselves. Even so, when my friend was in the hospital, with all of this documentation in her file, her partner was constantly questioned as to her authority to make decisions on her behalf. 

Some doctors insisted on talking to my friend about her condition when she was virtually unconscious and nonresponsive, refusing to even look at or respond directly to her partner. I can only imagine the immense frustration and pain that my friend’s partner felt each time she was confronted with the reality that their relationship was a complete legal nullity. Unfortunately, the indignity only got worse after my friend died. 

All the legal documents they had executed terminated when my friend died, and at that moment her partner once again became a complete legal stranger. She discovered that she had no right to make the funeral arrangements—only the “next of kin” has the legal authority to do that.

In addition, even if you execute a will leaving everything to your partner, your partner will face burdens and obstacles not faced by a legal spouse. When my friend’s partner took her will to transfer title of her car, she was advised that she would first have to probate the will in court, a process that would cost hundreds and potentially thousands of dollars and take a minimum of five months. If she had been a surviving (heterosexual) spouse, or the “next of kin” as defined by Florida law, DMV could have immediately transferred the car to her.

Another issue often arises with regard to obtaining a certified death certificate for a deceased partner. According to Florida law, only designated family members are authorized to request a death certificate that specifies cause of death, which may be needed to collect the proceeds of a life insurance policy or for numerous other reasons.  Anyone other than designated “next of kin” must establish a legal interest in obtaining the death certificate, such as a will or insurance policy designating that person as a beneficiary.

The day will come when you, or your partner, will face this situation. You will want to do everything you can to avoid the frustration, pain, and heartbreak of having your relationship denied, and you and your partner’s wishes ignored.

  • Act now, before it’s too late:
  • Consult a qualified attorney who can help you execute a plan that will give you the right to make financial, medical and other decisions for your partner when circumstances warrant. 
  • Talk to your “next of kin” and make your wishes known.
  • Contact your local, state and federal politicians and ask them to pass legislation addressing these issues, and only vote for candidates who support your rights.
  • Use your voice to educate and raise awareness about these issues.

 

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